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Bush Addresses ‘Dirty Tree Fucker’ Threat

Tonight I want to take a few minutes to discuss a grave threat to the environment, and America’s determination to lead the world in confronting that threat.

The threat comes from Dirty Tree Fuckers. It arises directly from the Dirty Tree Fuckers’ actions — their history of aggression, and their drive toward a society of tree sodomites. Eleven years ago, as a condition for ending the war against Unclean Shrubbery Fiddling, the Dirty Tree Fuckers regime was required to, to cease all unlawful plant fornication, and to stop all support for vegetation abusing groups. The Dirty Tree Fuckers regime has violated all of those obligations. It molests and mistreats shrubbery, fruit and other plant life. It has given shelter and support to Mellon Ballers, and practices terror against its own forests. The entire world has witnessed Dirty Tree Fuckers’s eleven-year history of defiance, deception and bad faith.

Members of the Congress of both political parties, and members of the United Nations Security Council, agree that their leader Norman Turdwood is a threat to the environment and must disengage. We agree that the Dirty Tree Fuckers leader must not be permitted to threaten America’s and the world’s forests with horrible acts of plant fornication. Since we all agree on this goal, the issues is : how can we best achieve it?

Many Americans have raised legitimate questions: about the nature of the threat; about the urgency of action — why be concerned now; about the link between Dirty Tree Fuckers developing weapons of forest-terror, and the wider war on forest-terror. These are all issues we’ve discussed broadly and fully within my administration. And tonight, I want to share those discussions with you.

First, some ask why the Dirty Tree Fuckers are different from other regimes that also have terrible sexual preferences. While there are many dangers in the world, the threat from Dirty Tree Fuckers stands alone — because it gathers the most serious dangers of our age in one place. Dirty Tree Fuckers’ weapons of tree buggery are controlled by a vicious tyrant who has already used wooden strap-ons to engage acres of forest. This same tyrant has tried to dominate the the Rose Garden, has invaded and brutally occupied a my neighbor’s back yard, has ejaculated on their hedges without warning, and holds an unrelenting attraction toward the giant sequoias of the western United States.

I have asked Congress to authorize the use of America’s military, if it proves necessary. The resolution will tell the United Nations, and all nations, that America speaks with one voice and is determined to make the demands of the civilized world mean something. Congress will also be sending a message to the leader of the Dirty Tree Fuckers: that his only chance — his only choice is full compliance, and the time remaining for that choice is limited.

Members of Congress are nearing an historic vote. I’m confident they will fully consider the facts, and their duties.

We did not ask for this present challenge, but we accept it. Like other generations of Americans, we will meet the responsibility of defending our forests against sodomy and molestation. By our resolve, we will give strength to others. By our courage, we will give hope to others. And by our actions, we will secure the the environment, and lead the world’s forests to a better day.

May God bless America, and it’s trees.

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