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Bill O'Turdly, May 22, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Al-Queda, There When You Need It
Bill O'Turdly, May 1, 2007 # No Comment Yet
BAGHDAD — Like a Mastercard card, Al-Queda is there when you need it. Even cheaper than showing footage of a nuclear cloud, you can say that you killed a recent leader of Al-Queda in Iraq. Simply find some photo of an Islamic cleric on a google image search and add it to a hot [...]
An American Sociopath
Bill O'Turdly, April 19, 2007 # No Comment Yet
In light of the recent premeditated shooting spree by Cho Seung-hui, which killed 32 people and himself at an American university, and the sensational media coverage that it has spawned, we here at TOAS offer you a real American sociopath: the US government.
This past week hundreds of people have been killed in Baghdad, with over [...]
Turd of the Week
Bill O'Turdly, April 15, 2007 # No Comment Yet
WASHINGTON — US Senator John McCain said that the buildup of American forces in Iraq represented the only viable option to avoid failure in Iraq and that he had yet to identify an effective fallback if the current strategy failed.
“I have no Plan B,” Mr. McCain said in an interview. “If I saw that doomsday [...]
White House Cable Intercepted
Bill O'Turdly, March 25, 2007 # No Comment Yet
WASHINGTON – TOAS has intercepted a top secret message from US President George W. Bush to the rest of the world.
Military Singles
Bill O'Turdly, March 20, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Looking for that special someone, well look no further!
US Military Singles provides a way for US service men and women to meet one another!
Just don’t look for gays or lesbians, Military Singles has a strict don’t tell, don’t ask policy.
Howard, The Pawn
Bill O'Turdly, March 15, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Further establishing himself as a pawn in the global hegemony of the United States, Australian Prime Minister John Howard (pictured with US Vice President Dick Cheney) has made an unannounced visit to Afghanistan to meet Australian troops and to hold talks with the country’s president, Hamid Karzai.
Speaking to Australian soldiers at the Camp Russell base [...]
Chris Hedges: A True Turdbuster
Bill O'Turdly, March 12, 2007 # 2 Comments
Chris Hedges, the son of a late Presbyterian minister who fought for civil rights in a small upstate New York town, has earned the prestigous Turdbuster Award from TOAS for his work exposing the Christian rights obsession with fascism and opposing gay rights.
Before becoming a reporter, Hedges was on his way to become a minister [...]
WWE Smackdown - Bush vs Chavez
Bill O'Turdly, March 11, 2007 # 5 Comments
Holding a a dead squirrel above his head, Venezualan President Hugo Chavez calls US President Bush a hypocrite.
“When the US President says now that he’s worried about poverty and Latin America and that he’s come to help, you’ve got to to say “hypocrite” to him,” Chavez said to a crowd of several thousand in Trinidad, [...]
Protecting Your Investment
Bill O'Turdly, March 3, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Having problems finding insurance for your start up company in Baghdad and its employees?
Well, look no further! Chesterfield Insurance Brokers specialise in placing bespoke insurance policies for companies and individuals involved in the reconstruction of Iraq.
Having problems with kidnapped employees and ransom money?
Chesterfield Insurance Brokers provide one of the most comprehensive policies available [...]
Afghan Opium, Anyone?
Bill O'Turdly, March 2, 2007 # No Comment Yet
The US State Department’s annual report on narcotics has said Afghanistan’s opium has reached record levels. In the report the flourishing drug trade was cited as undermining the fight against the Taleban.
After nearly five and a half years into the Afghan War and 4 years into the United States’ and Britain’s “combat” of poppy [...]
Cheney and Howard Admit They Like to Wear Women’s Underwear
Bill O'Turdly, February 25, 2007 # 2 Comments
Dick Cheney and John Howard have admitted they like to wear women’s underwear and prance around cross dressing like J. Edgar Hoover. In a joint press briefing in Canberra, they reconfirmed their love of Texas Tea. Jokingly, a reporter yelled out “tea bag him Dick.” This brought out some laughter as Dick belted out one [...]
