200 War Supporting Zombies Emerge from Mock Cemetary in Lafayette, Ca

Turd Furgeson, March 8, 2007 # One Comment

Drooling and swaying from side to side, 200 supporters of American Imperialism emerged from a mock cemetery in Iraq. It seems the placement of wooden crosses to mark future graves breathed life into corpses that have been rotting underground for at least 40 years.

Years of rotting underground have left these unfortunate patriots horribly disillusioned. The [...]

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Protecting Your Investment

Bill O'Turdly, March 3, 2007 # No Comment Yet

Having problems finding insurance for your start up company in Baghdad and its employees?
Well, look no further! Chesterfield Insurance Brokers specialise in placing bespoke insurance policies for companies and individuals involved in the reconstruction of Iraq.
Having problems with kidnapped employees and ransom money?
Chesterfield Insurance Brokers provide one of the most comprehensive policies available [...]

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Afghan Opium, Anyone?

Bill O'Turdly, March 2, 2007 # No Comment Yet

The US State Department’s annual report on narcotics has said Afghanistan’s opium has reached record levels. In the report the flourishing drug trade was cited as undermining the fight against the Taleban.
After nearly five and a half years into the Afghan War and 4 years into the United States’ and Britain’s “combat” of poppy [...]

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Colonel Fuzz E. Butt

Bill O'Turdly, February 26, 2007 # 2 Comments

Looking for a new hero in the Middle East we offer you

Col. Fuzz E. Butt, Ret.
The foul, the phew, the manured. This patriotic poop is one tough turd. Whether it’s in the halls of Montezuma’s Revenge or in the hills of Tripoopli, he is first to defend his country’s right to poop freely.
Turd Birds

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Cheney and Howard Admit They Like to Wear Women’s Underwear

Bill O'Turdly, February 25, 2007 # 2 Comments

Dick Cheney and John Howard have admitted they like to wear women’s underwear and prance around cross dressing like J. Edgar Hoover. In a joint press briefing in Canberra, they reconfirmed their love of Texas Tea. Jokingly, a reporter yelled out “tea bag him Dick.” This brought out some laughter as Dick belted out one [...]

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Investment Opportunities

Bill O'Turdly, February 24, 2007 # 3 Comments

Looking to invest, say a few million dollars.

Look no further! Iraq Suppliers provides a definitive ‘one-stop shop’ from which greedy western investors and greedy Iraqis (who are keen to sell their country), can source company information for the supply of equipment, materials and contract partners. With comprehensive lists of industries and companies to [...]

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TOAS Exclusive: Bush Speech Leaked

Bill O'Turdly, February 22, 2007 # No Comment Yet

Good evening my fellow Americans.
We have to discuss Iraq today and we have to help North Korea securitize the dismantling the dismantled nuclear warheads in Afghanistan and beyond. We certainly have a firm commitment to Europe. We are subliminally a part of Europe. It’s important in Afghanistan and beyond. We, we’re a nation of law. [...]

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Dinar, Anyone?

Bill O'Turdly, February 20, 2007 # No Comment Yet

This is just messed up, no other way to describe it. International Currency Trading LLC is a professional company that is registered with the U.S. Departmnent of State to sell the new Iraqi Dinar online.
Yes, step right up and get a piece of Iraq and while you are at it, pick up the new Haliburton [...]

More on page 141

Obama The Turd

Bill O'Turdly, February 15, 2007 # No Comment Yet

It seems that right wing American power base has already decided that Barack Obama will be the (cough) furthest left presidential candidate that will be allowed in 2008. However, like so many “great” polictical stategists before them, the Neocons have started preemptive divide and conquer attacks on the black voting base. I guess you [...]

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Separated at Birth or Just Rednecks

Bill O'Turdly, February 15, 2007 # 2 Comments

Australian Prime Minister John Howard just won the first annual Elmer Fudd Look Alike Contest. Citing Barack Obama, Mr Howard said ” Obama’s stance on Iraq will just encourage those who want to completely destabilise and destroy Iraq, and create chaos and a victory for the terrorists to hang on and hope for an Obama [...]

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It’s the Poppies

Bill O'Turdly, February 14, 2007 # No Comment Yet

Well, it seems that sharp disagreements have emerged over the conduct of war (if there is such a thing) against the Taleban in Afghanistan.
Many scholars, at a seminar in London timed to coincide with a visit to Britain by Afghan (cough, Unocal) President Hamid Karzai, have said that a ‘reality check’ is needed. Let me [...]

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How to Get a Free College Degree

Bill O'Turdly, February 10, 2007 # No Comment Yet

We, at TOAS, have decided to help current and future American university students by giving our advice:
Take out as much money in student loans as you possibly can and live it up while you are a student, then when you graduate defer the loans as long as you can. Next or while you are [...]

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