Bill O'Turdly, July 28, 2008 # 2 Comments
If there’s anything the happy boys in TOAS have learned from listening to songs at strip clubs, it’s the difference between “pop” and “rock”: Turd on a Stick’s seventh album announces straight off that it’s the former. The first sound on the first song, “She’s My Whore”, comes from Bill O’Turdly’s memories of cheap threesomes [...]
Bill O'Turdly, September 2, 2007 # 2 Comments
An action figure is usually jointed, thus capable of various dynamic poses. A figurine, meanwhile, is typically frozen into a single pose. It might enjoy an exquisite level of detail, might be nice to look at for awhile. But in the end, it isn’t meant to be engaged with– it sits idly on the mantle, [...]
Bill O'Turdly, April 14, 2007 # 3 Comments
Ever wonder who is writing the music reviews online that try to shape your mind into buying crappy pompous records. Well, look no further. We give you Jess Harvell (center), the king of run-on sentences that make no sense, Keith Harris (left), and Michael Matos (right) who refers to himself as Michaelangelo Matos. [...]
Bill O'Turdly, March 23, 2007 # 2 Comments
“Tramadol, The New Frontier” is the name of TOAS song. Tramadol, The New Frontier is the name of the new TOAS album. “Tramadol, The New Frontier” does not appear on Tramadol, The New Frontier, but Tramadol, The New Frontier used “Tramadol, The New Frontier“, from 2007’s We Are The New Banner on Pitchfork, as [...]
Bill O'Turdly, March 14, 2007 # No Comment Yet
From Glasgow named after the Austro-Hungarian Archduke whose murder sparked World War I
Bill O'Turdly, February 21, 2007 # 3 Comments
Unless you’ve been living under a rock that is itself under a larger rock– or you’re not a TOAS fan– the TOAS story should have a folkloric familiarity to you. To read a blog or webzine in 2007 is to hear the tale of two brave lads from Philly and Detroit who bypassed the Byzantine [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 18, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Thanks to our pal Fark McTurd, TOAS has been able to uncover the criteria for Pitchfork Media’s record reviews. It seems that Popdork at Sub Pop Records broke this story in 2004. Unfortunately, the original report has been lost, but we were able to retrieve this…
10.0: A reissue from the late ’70s / early [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 16, 2007 # One Comment
Wondering what this dork is doing on TOAS? It seems he wasn’t able to make the cut for Hot Chicks with Douchebags (a TOAS favorite). It seems that in order to make it on to HCwB you need a woman next you. It would also help to move out of your parents’ basement.
Bill O'Turdly, February 12, 2007 # One Comment
During a recent interview Bill O’Turdly lamented on the fact that his band TOAS hasn’t been able to become an advert banner on Pitchfork. Citing the new trend in indie rock to have the word deer in your band’s name, he said that it was too late to change his band’s name. However, he did [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 9, 2007 # 8 Comments
Sally Struthers, best known for her “Feed the Children” commercials rather than her run on the hit TV show “All in the Family,” has now decided to aid malnourished inde-rock stars. Citing Bradford Cox (in photo above) from the new darling of Pitchfork, Deerhunter, Ms. Struthers has re-stated her conviction that no person on the [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 5, 2007 # 2 Comments
Clap Your Hands and Say Turd, the new hit single from Turd on a Stick boasts an unbelievable line up of Turd Furgeson and Bill O’Turdly. The pretensious snot-nosed duo has been together for say, oh a week, but that hasn’t stopped them from reaching the pinnacle of Mount Fecal, which is the B-side of [...]
Turd Furgeson, February 2, 2007 # One Comment
When I picture Jesus, I see him playing Vox Organ with TOAS and wearing a Dinasour Jr. T-Shirt. I picture him as Co-Producer of the a TOAS album entitled ‘holy shit!’ I envision the album reviewed by the entire Pitchfork staff and given a unanimous 10.0 point rating. That’s how I picture Jesus.
