Bill O'Turdly, November 20, 2007 # 2 Comments
KABUL — Using a surreptitious USO trip to Afghanistan as cover, Bill O’Reilly has smuggled 100 kilograms of pure Afghan heroin out of Afghanistan and into Turkey, where it will [...]
Bill O'Turdly, April 29, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Hemland province in Afghanistan is now set to become the country’s leading supply of opium, surpassing all the lush land under control of the US backed Northern Alliance. Lawmakers from Britain, with the help of their Afghan cronies, are now trying to convince farmers in Hemland to grow another crop.
On the other hand, America would [...]
Bill O'Turdly, March 21, 2007 # No Comment Yet
In a battle of middle-aged junky singers, the self-proclaimed greatest Ian Brown and one of the worst samplers, Richard Ashcroft will fight each other live on pay per view TV. The bout, to take place in London, at a yet to be determined venue, will feature both singers patented move “the spike.” No one has [...]
Bill O'Turdly, March 15, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Further establishing himself as a pawn in the global hegemony of the United States, Australian Prime Minister John Howard (pictured with US Vice President Dick Cheney) has made an unannounced visit to Afghanistan to meet Australian troops and to hold talks with the country’s president, Hamid Karzai.
Speaking to Australian soldiers at the Camp Russell base [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 14, 2007 # No Comment Yet
Well, it seems that sharp disagreements have emerged over the conduct of war (if there is such a thing) against the Taleban in Afghanistan.
Many scholars, at a seminar in London timed to coincide with a visit to Britain by Afghan (cough, Unocal) President Hamid Karzai, have said that a ‘reality check’ is needed. Let me [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 12, 2007 # One Comment
During a recent interview Bill O’Turdly lamented on the fact that his band TOAS hasn’t been able to become an advert banner on Pitchfork. Citing the new trend in indie rock to have the word deer in your band’s name, he said that it was too late to change his band’s name. However, he did [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 10, 2007 # No Comment Yet
We, at TOAS, have decided to help current and future American university students by giving our advice:
Take out as much money in student loans as you possibly can and live it up while you are a student, then when you graduate defer the loans as long as you can. Next or while you are [...]
Bill O'Turdly, February 9, 2007 # No Comment Yet
In a rare newly unearthed video, there is evidence that suggests racial equality between blacks and whites. A researcher going by the undercover name Founder287, claims to have found this video in the unlikely place of a flea market. In the recent issue of Academics are Turds: The Journal of Preposterous Bullshit, Fouder287 sites the [...]
Turd Furgeson, February 7, 2007 # 2 Comments
We’ve just released a new album. Here’s the Pitchfork Review:
Turd on a Stick’s sophomore effort is more focused than their debut We are the New Banner on Pitchfork; produced with subtlety and precision by Wolfgang Van Halen, Sold it for Smack spotlights the group’s Byrds-like harmonies on rootsy guitar-pop workouts ranging from the wry “She [...]
